Not everyone will like you, but you have to give them the opportunity to make that choice.

Last week I posted about permission and having no regrets. I realized that my only regrets in life are regrets of omission– that perhaps I hadn’t fully participated in life. For instance, I’ve never been much of an athlete, but I was great at swimming. I probably could have really made something of myself on that front, but I got really focused on school and swimming took a back seat. I never continued to develop into the really strong swimmer I could have been. But I can always take up swimming again.  More than failing to hone a skill, what I regret more are missed relationship opportunities.

Every year toward the end of school I would start really getting to know a handful of people, and they’d always say something like, “You should talk more!” or “I didn’t know you were funny.” I guess I always subconsciously felt I had nothing to lose by showing my true colors right before saying goodbye. I was too shy to reveal too much of myself during the rest of the school year. I was always afraid I’d scare people away, even though experience showed that true friends had always been gained when I let my “freak flag fly.” The right friends are the ones who love you for who you are, to whom you are a special treasure because so few are allowed into your world.

But part of me regrets missing out on what other friendships might have been if I hadn’t been so afraid of opening up around people. It’s okay to only let the right ones into your inner circle. In fact, I think it’s entirely healthy. But that doesn’t mean it’s healthy to close yourself off from everyone else. Not everyone will like you, but you have to give them the opportunity to make that choice.

For us introverted types, it often feels safe to be neutral. We’re behind-the-scenes types. We’re observers. Some may even call us floaters. We get along with everyone and don’t fit neatly into cliques, because we don’t really broadcast enough of ourselves for people to put a label on us. But you know what they say: still waters run deep. It’s okay to not have clearly defined, superficial characteristics that allow others to file us away neatly in a box.

Just like honesty is always the best policy, you should always be yourself. Be authentic with everyone. You don’t have to unleash 100% of your personality all the time, but don’t let your shyness be an excuse to not engage with people. If you scare them away, fine. But keeping yourself to yourself might be depriving both you and someone else of a really great friendship. So don’t be afraid to show your true colors. You’ll attract the right people, and the ones you might “scare away” probably aren’t the right people to be around. If you remain in a corner, you’ll never know who may have been drawn to your flame.

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