crazy-makers & boundaries

I know I’ve been turning a cold shoulder to the muse when it’s been so long that I’ve even written a blog post, much less given time to creative endeavors. This is usually a good indicator that I’ve allowed my creative energy to be sapped by other things.

Do you ever go through times in which certain things and/or people get under your skin just a little more than usual? Julia Cameron calls these “crazy-makers,” and they can sabotage you like a pro. These are people who can really push your buttons and manipulate you in ways that they may not even be aware of.

I have a particularly formidable crazy-maker in my life. The tough thing about this one is that they are completely unaware of their power over my sanity, because anything I say either bounces off or is filtered through a crazy sponge and twisted into something far from what was said. This has gone on so long that I’ve gone through several different permutations of distancing myself from this person in an attempt to create healthy boundaries for myself. But I’ve gone about it all wrong, and instead have made myself a part of the problem.

I’ve come to realize a few things about dealing with crazy-makers:
1. Try not to burn bridges. Cutting ties with them isn’t the answer. Sometimes this isn’t even a possibility. But no matter how much they get under your skin, it’s important to be respectful, kind, and to evaluate whether it’s worth ending a friendship altogether.
2. Communicate. They may not know how they’re treating you. Be honest–but considerate!–in communicating the boundaries you need to set with them. If they’re a friend worth keeping, they should be open to hearing you out.
3. You may not be able to change how they treat you, but you can maintain your beliefs about how each of you deserves to be treated. You control how you respond to them and are responsible for your own attitude and perspective. Ultimately, they can’t make you crazy if you don’t give them the power to do so.

I much too frequently have to remind myself that the golden rule applies universally. I need to step back and ask Are my feelings toward this person fair, even if I feel I’ve been treated unfairly? More often than not, perception can distort the best of intentions. Try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt that they’re not out to sabotage you. And in those moments when your number one crazy-maker seems truly hell – bent on keeping that title, remind your brain not to give them that power, and err on the side of kindness.

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