boulders vs. stones

For several days I found myself inexplicably sad. I don’t cry often, but the other day I spontaneously burst into tears on my way home from work. I realized that I was crying on behalf of several different friends who were going through hard times.

Creative types feel deeply. Often we have an unspoken connection with other people’s feelings that can make us take on whatever someone else is going through. Perhaps this is why so many of us are introverts; it can be exhausting being around people because it’s not so casual for us. Small talk is not part of our DNA. We may not go out of our way to be social, but we long for any connections we do have to be meaningful.

We pick up other people’s baggage as we go through our day, carrying others’ burdens without them even being aware that we are doing so.

Perhaps this is our job as artists, to feel every human feeling at least as deeply as the average person does in order to make someone else feel understood and less alone, and to thus lighten their burden. This is also perhaps why many creative types are often prone to depression. We take on a lot, behind the scenes. I don’t like the idea of medicating for depression because–even though it hurts an awful lot–I count it as a gift to be able to empathize and feel deeply. I believe it is my gift to others, even if they’re not conscious of it. I don’t know if empathy lessens anyone’s pain, but I hope it does. I hope that on some spiritual or psychic level, this unspoken connection is doing some good.

However, it’s never fair to think that your pain is equal to the pain of the person with whom you empathize; it is not your pain. But I know that we are told to share one another’s burdens. That is brotherly love.

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2

This passage varies almost not at all among all of the versions of scripture. We love others as Christ loves us when we demonstrate sympathy in someone’s hardship.

But the passage goes on to say,

“For if anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But each one must examine his own work, and then he will have reason for boasting in regard to himself alone, and not in regard to another. For each one will bear his own load.”

In other words, don’t be so conceited as to think you are better than the person who needs your help, and don’t then make your act of kindness inflate your conceit by claiming that pain as your own. You can assist someone with their affliction without taking on the full weight of it.

There is a distinction between “burden” and “load.” Burden is the affliction or pain or weakness itself. The load it brings is the consequences the person bears as a result of his reaction to the burden he bears. For instance a person’s burden may be that they are going through a divorce. Their load may be that their circumstances are causing them to be bitter and use that as an excuse to be angry at others. We can be there for them in their grief without taking on their attitude. The burden is the boulder that must be carried up the hill; the load is comprised of a bunch of stones you’ve picked up along the way. The boulder is our story, as flawed humans, that we carry through life. The stones are unnecessary, and will only impede your progress up the hill. Our job is to help carry the burden up the hill, and it is each person’s own responsibility to leave the stones behind. The stones are Resistance, keeping you from forward progress. Don’t collect others’ stones.

We are to collectively carry our individual human hardships through life. We go further up and further in (more on that next week) better if we help each other carry the baggage necessary for the journey. But we must fight the urge to pick up stones along the way. We must recognize certain attitudes and reactions as the Resistance and unnecessary weights that they are and leave them behind.

We must not confuse stones for boulders. We can help each other recognize the difference, but it’s up to each of us individually to let go of the stones.