Category: resistance (page 5 of 7)

fear of futility

November 18, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Do you ever get tired of feeling guilty for not producing enough? For me, in the middle of National Novel Writing Month, this novel writing business is proving to be something hanging over my head rather than an enjoyable activity; I feel like I’m letting it defeat me.

Life is too short to not do something meaningful, but it will feel a lot longer than you’d like if you continually beat yourself up for not being perfect. It’s a catch-22. You will never meet your own standards, and that subconscious idea that perfection is the goal is completely paralyzing. Isn’t it better to just get something done rather than beat yourself up over something that you barely even started?

I know I have these unspoken, arbitrary, lofty standards. But what’s the point of such high standards if I’m incapable of meeting them? If I’m so afraid of failure that I never accomplish anything? If I have nothing to show for all my showing up, then I have failed. If I just do it I have succeeded. Isn’t the latter easier? What is keeping me from just doing the work to even 75% of my standards? There’s time for revision later. Why can’t I just do it? What am I so afraid of? Why do I feel like I’m not even capable? There are millions of people in the world doing what I’m doing. I know I can do it just as well or better than most of them, but not all of them. Being the best isn’t even the point. So what is it that causes me so much anxiety and paralysis?

It’s Resistance with a capital R. I’ve been showing up every day and trying to get out of my own way so the muse can show up. Shouldn’t that be enough to banish Resistance? Why is it still rearing its ugly head? What psychological roadblocks am I not seeing? It’s not fear of success, because finishing the first draft of a novel doesn’t really require anything of me after it’s done. I can roll with it or not. It can’t be the fear of failure because the only way to fail at writing is to not write. A draft is malleable. I can always fix what isn’t perfect. There are only words, and my only failure is not putting them on the page. I’m sure part if it is that little nagging dark force telling me that this isn’t what I should be doing. I should give up. I’m not a writer. I should either move on to some other creative pursuit (which I also won’t be good at) or just give up. Resistance is manifesting itself as both inadequacy and futility. What’s the point of all of this? My work doesn’t matter. My work won’t matter. So what’s the point of doing it? Why show up every day and pour my heart out? What are my blood, sweat, and tears going to accomplish in the end? I struggle to find the meaning and purpose in any of it. Who am I helping by showing up to write every day?

Somewhat ironically, the novel I’m struggling to write deals with immortality and youth. I ask myself why a character would want to live much longer, even with the benefits of youth. My thought was that many people wouldn’t know how to handle living more than a hundred years, that only those with an exceptional sense of purpose and joy would want to go on living. If you outlived all of your loved ones, what would keep you going? Albert Camus said that it takes more courage to live than to commit suicide, and that happiness (even for Sisyphus) is to enjoy your work in spite of the apparent futility of existence. I think the drive to create is stronger than the desire for immortality. Creativity, in one form or another, is where souls find their purpose. It’s how we make sense out of the lives we are living, and helps us and others enjoy that life. It brings context and clarifies meaning for us as we try to imagine what forever might be like. The need to create is a very strong human calling, and when I feel creatively blocked, I start to lose my sense of purpose, direction, joy, and meaning. Guilt creeps in.

Piled on top of personal guilt is the public shame of not having a word count on the NaNoWriMo site for my novel. This feels like a huge failure. Maybe it is a failure at the moment, but the entire project hasn’t failed. I am not a failure. I am a person who matters, who loves to write, and will write my heart out. Even if it feels like it doesn’t matter. Defeat is a mindset. The only thing causing me to fail is the idea that I’m not good enough. If I show up and write in spite of that voice in my head, I’ve won.

It’s frustrating to say that the cure for creative block is to just create, but time and again that’s the answer that reveals itself. Feel like you can’t do it? Just show up and do it. Simply doing anything creative usually helps to make the guilt of creative block go away, even if it’s not related to what you want to accomplish. If you’ve been staring at a blank page for a while, get up and go outside with your sketch book or make some bread. Every act of making something helps to bring you back to your center and remind you of the joy of creating without the pressure of meaning or perfection. It’s in your DNA to create, so find something–however small and seemingly insignificant–to make that makes you happy and don’t feel guilty about counting that as a success. It’s part of showing up to your work. If you showed up, you’ve won.

peace is a universal image

November 16, 2015 / / 1 Comment

Soon after the attacks in Paris, a symbol for peace began showing up everywhere, showing how a single iconic image can unite people in tragedy. Many on social media argue that an image doesn’t help anything, and that people changing their profile pictures just want to look supportive without taking real, meaningful action. But it is a powerful emblem of hope and solidarity and restoration. It says we stand with you. It says we feel deeply for the people of Paris. It says they have not beaten us. It says we will rebuild. We. It says what we all feel at a time that we are powerless to physically help the situation. It is a placeholder until meaningful action is possible. It says we are not afraid; terrorists will still kill, but they have no power to terrorize those who do not fear them.

The image is a powerful thing. Charlie Hebdo, another tragic French casualty, is a very recent testament to the power of the pencil. A symbol is a thing of beauty in the face of ugliness. It is a gesture of humanity, saying that even though I am not a citizen of France, today we are all French. It is universal and transcendent. It says liberté, égalité, fraternité. It says long live France, and long live the resilient human spirit. It says we are all one, united against the dark forces of this world.

inspiring icons

 

 

 

your future is whatever you make it

October 21, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Today is the day to which Doc Brown and Marty McFly traveled in “Back to the Future Part II.” It also happens to be eight years to the day that I said “I do” to spending the rest of my future with my husband. In the spirit of both anniversaries, here are some life takeaways from the eighties classic.

Overcome your fear of rejection. Marty was ready to admit defeat and never play music again just because someone told him he played “too loud.” His teacher Mr. Strickland didn’t think he would amount to anything just because his dad wasn’t much of an achiever. George needed a lot of coaxing to get up the nerve to talk to Lorraine, and even then he fumbled all over himself. Even if he didn’t appear to be much of a success at the time, he eventually got the girl. To go after anything worthwhile and secure the future of your dreams, you’ll have to put in hard work and suffer rejection. The most successful people in history have achieved thick skin and eventually success after a whole lot of rejection, and they didn’t let fear, resistance, or the opinion of others keep them from trying again.

Be resourceful. You may not build a time machine from a DeLorean or use Miller Light to fuel it in a pinch, but making do with what you have will serve you well. If you don’t need frills to be happy, you stand a better chance of staying happy. An attitude of gratefulness goes a long way. Appreciate what you have in the lean times, and you will learn to be prepared for anything.

Be true to yourself. Don’t let anyone push you around or get in the way of your dreams. Only small-minded people are bothered by people they view as less than, and bullying betrays an insecurity and fear of others’ success. Movies almost always show us that bullies never prosper. You’ll always encounter resistance from a Mr. Strickland telling you you’ll never amount to anything or a Biff waiting to pound your ass. You can’t let other people define you. Greatness is only ever accomplished by overcoming resistance. Haters gonna hate, but are they doing something worthwhile? Are they making a difference in the world? Don’t waste your energy worrying about the opinions of people stuck in their own small-mindedness.

Stand up for yourself. Goldie Wilson was sweeping floors at the diner in 1955, but eventually became mayor (just like he said he would) even though no one believed that was even possible. He encouraged George to stop letting people push him around.

Goldie Wilson: Say! Why do you let those boys push you around like that for?
George McFly: Well, they’re bigger than me.
Goldie Wilson: Stand tall, boy. Have some respect for yourself. Don’t you know, if you let people walk over you now, they’ll be walking over you for the rest of your life. Look at me. You think I’m gonna spend the rest of my life in this slop house?
Lou: Watch it, Goldie.
Goldie Wilson: No, sir! I’m gonna make something of myself. I’m going to night school, and one day, I’m gonna be somebody!
Marty McFly: That’s right! He’s gonna be mayor.

Finally, George is able to stand up to Biff when it counts and wins the heart of Lorraine. If you want to make something of yourself, it starts with believing that you don’t deserve to be a doormat. People can only give you as much respect as you project that you’re worth.

Forge your own path. “Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.” Sometimes it seems like there’s not enough of a beaten path for what you envision yourself doing. You don’t need to reinvent the wheel, but it’s good to think outside the box (to use every cliche in the book). Not every successful person needs to be a pioneer, but where would we be if no one dared to do something that hadn’t been done before?

Let the past live in the past. We know you can’t actually change the past, and who knows what the consequences would be if that were possible. Marty got a very different view of his parents in their youth than he had of them in his lifetime. You fall in love with people for who they are at the time you met them and who they are becoming. Of course, people’s histories are formative to their character, but their past is not who they are now. Live in the present and plan the future with people you love. Only look back if it’s to fondly remember the good stuff.

And lastly, what Doc Brown said: “Your future is whatever you make it, so make it a good one.”

play

invite the muse to play

September 23, 2015 / / 0 Comments

Good things don’t necessarily always start with a good idea. They come when you show up and start working. You invite the good ideas by doing the work that proves you’re ready for the ideas to make themselves known to you. When you prepare, the Muse arrives.

I’ve written every morning for more than sixty-six days now. That’s how long it takes to form a habit. I don’t feel like anything has really come of it yet, other than making it easier to show up every day and writing a blog post on a regular schedule. I guess that’s something. One step at a time. Hopefully ideas will come and I’ll get in the flow of writing creatively.

I had fun doing the writing exercise from my Writing Challenge app one morning. The writing is kind of disjointed when you get a new prompt every couple of minutes, but it’s a fun challenge to get the juices flowing. It feels good just to type, sometimes. I enjoy the physical act of pressing the keys just as quickly as the words come into my brain. Never mind if it makes any sense or is any good. That flow is what eventually gets me to writing something worthwhile most of the time. It primes the pump. It gets me into the rhythm of writing.

For me, writing has just as much to do with the rhythm of the words strung together and the flow of it coming out of my brain and out of my fingers as it has to do with the thoughts themselves. Good things don’t necessarily always start with a good idea. They come when you show up and start working. You invite the good ideas by doing the work that proves you’re ready for the ideas to make themselves known to you. When you prepare, the Muse arrives.

Yesterday I felt I should be drawing or practicing lettering, but sometimes the formality of it can be daunting. So I took the plastic wrap off of a cheap 2016 calendar I had bought for work and started doodling on the cardboard. Drawing on trash is freeing because it was going to be thrown away anyway. There’s no harm, no foul. And there’s absolutely no pressure to make anything good. I did some jaunty, silly doodle/lettering of my dog. I posted it on Instagram; not because I thought it was any good, but because I felt like sharing that it’s freeing to doodle on garbage. I certainly wasn’t looking for recognition. I was just having fun.

And that’s the kind of feeling I’m after every day. I just want to do something fun, even if meaningless, if it gets me into the mindset of creating. It takes the pressure off. Shouldn’t it be fun all the time? It doesn’t have to be useful or meaningful. It’s important to show up and practice. Just like it’s important for me to show up every day and not break the streak of writing. If you just do it all the time, it keeps fear and resistance at bay. There’s so much more room for better things to happen if you can get into enough of a groove that fear never has a chance to sneak in.

So go doodle on some garbage or write some gibberish. Have fun! And share it here, if you like. I look forward to seeing the results of your play time. 🙂

Older posts Newer posts

Archive

Social

© 2025 Veronica Lee Bishop

Theme by Anders Noren — Up ↑