Category: Uncategorized (page 5 of 11)

bouncing back

7 hours online with tech support regarding

6 missing blog posts;

5 online chat sessions to restore

4 months of work;

3 day holiday weekend delayed the response time of the

2 entities that hold all of the power with my

1 measly website

 

I was starting to get better at showing up regularly to write and posting to my blog every Wednesday. Then I put the cart before the horse and tried to optimize too many things at once, and didn’t notice that my site had lost its mind. It went back to the dark ages. Something happened with some settings with my hosting site, and my site was suddenly sent back to how it was a year ago. They managed to fix it, but the last four months of posts were irretrievably lost.

It has been a lesson in keeping the main thing the main thing instead of jumping to finish things that aren’t immediately necessary. Instead of continuing to post regularly like I’m supposed to, I went dark for a while, then decided that I wanted everything to be awesome all at once. I tried to add products to my site by using a snazzy plugin that didn’t work. Had I been paying regular attention to my blog in its current state, plugging away one step at a time, I wouldn’t have lost all the work I had posted when I was showing up every week.

And, because I got a new computer and failed to save one essential document, I don’t have a backup file of said posts. Guys, don’t be an idiot like me. Save your stuff. I caught a brief glimpse of the ghost headlines of the posts that are forever lost, and here is what little I can piece together of the last several months:

5/4 – Defining Resistance, in which I remind readers what the theme of this blog is really all about: that invisible force that keeps you from improving and doing good work. It’s the opposite of the Muse; it is ease and comfort and wants to keep you mediocre.

5/11 – Instant Gratification, in which I discussed resistance in the form of wanting to see results right away rather than having the patience to hone a specific skill. Putting in your time and pushing yourself to do the work without seeing results right away is what will create success.

5/18 – Play: Being in the Moment was inspired by a gift I got from my mom for my birthday. It’s a Buddha Board, on which you paint with water and it evaporates. It’s a lesson in practice and letting go, that what you make doesn’t have to stand the test of time. Enjoying the act of doing something is valuable enough.

5/25 – Staying Inspired was a list of resources from which I find evergreen inspiration, such as nature and being open to hearing to other people’s stories.

6/15 – Resilience. Wouldn’t it be nice if I could remember anything about this post? Ironically, in trying to bounce back from this data loss, I can’t think of the contents for this particular week.

7/6- Trash and Treasure visited my experience of purging after reading Marie Kondo’s “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up,” with the end goal of only owning things that bring you joy. The process and result brought with them a certain level of mental and emotional clarity that surprised me. To thoroughly and permanently detach yourself from things that don’t delight you, and to cherish those that do, is very freeing.

I don’t want this post to come across as an excuse for not showing up. I want it to be a cautionary tale to those who are frustrated by slow progress, and a reminder to save your work–even when it doesn’t seem worthwhile at the time. I want it to be a public pledge to you, dear reader, that I will commit to showing up regularly from now on–even if it sometimes feels futile. I’m gonna do it for you and I’m gonna do it for me, because defeating Resistance is the name of the game.

perfectionism, part three: consistency

“Continuous improvement is better than delayed perfection.”   –Mark Twain

A huge part of what stunts creative work is the feeling that we need to do perfect work instead of prolific amounts of work. In last week’s post about procrastination as it relates to perfectionism, I compared this to taking continuous steps rather than making a single, intimidating leap. There are habits creatives can adopt to keep on a consistent schedule of creating and keep that daunting beast of perfectionism at bay.

Routine

Many highly focused people, especially creatives, maintain consistency by creating rigid daily routines. My grandfather was very routine-driven. Every evening he would shave, shower, and get into his pajamas. Then he would fix himself a small stack of cheese and saltines, which he ate while he made his to-do list for the following day on a pocket-sized memo pad. During his lunchtime, he would check off what he had done so far that day, then revisit the list in the evening. If anything wasn’t done, he carried it over to tomorrow’s list. He knew exactly what needed to be done the next day, so he could just wake up and start doing them without having to waste time deciding where to start or devising a plan of action. He created momentum for getting things done every day because his consistency eliminated any guesswork for what would need to be done when he showed up to the tasks every morning.

Having too much freedom can invite paralysis. Narrowing your focus ahead of time makes tasks easier to check off your list, so you will be more likely to accomplish them. Eliminate as many choices as possible so you’re not overwhelmed, and be specific about your to-do list for the next day. Having tomorrow’s tasks in mind when you go to bed allows your subconscious to mull it over all night and wake up in the morning with a fresh perspective.

Don’t Break the Chain

Developing a consistent habit keeps you from crashing and burning when you just don’t feel like showing up. Jerry Seinfeld is credited with the technique of “not breaking the chain.” In short, if you want to be motivated to improve at something, mark off on a calendar each day that you’ve shown up and done that thing. Once you see a chain of marked off days, you won’t want to see an unmarked day on the calendar. You don’t want to see that you’ve broken your promise to yourself. You want to keep the chain going as long as possible. Once you break one link, it’s easy to let yourself break another one. The longer the chain, the more motivated you’ll be to keep it going. Show up every day to maintain momentum and keep Resistance at bay. Say yes every single day to the activity that’s most important to you.

Often like begets like. When I start writing, I get ideas for several more things I want to write about. That creates an idea snowball. Conversely, if I skip a weekly post or my daily writing, it’s way too easy to let myself flake out on consecutive days. Want momentum and endless ideas? Keep the yes going.

Practice, Practice, Practice

If you haven’t read the book Art and Fear, please stop reading and go buy it or check it out at your local library. You can read it in a couple of hours and it will change your life. In it, we are told the parable of two groups of ceramics students. One group was to be judged solely on the quality of their work, the other on quantity. While the quality group focused their efforts on creating one perfect pot, the other group turned out so many iterations that they got really good at it. Because they had so much more practice than the quality group, the quantity group ended up producing a higher quality.

clay-pots-jodhpur

There’s an old Chinese parable along the same lines. A king commissioned an artist to paint a picture of a rooster. After a year, the artist had still not come through with the painting and the king complained. The artist painted him a perfect rooster on the spot. The king responded, “If you can paint a perfect rooster in five minutes, why has it taken so long for you to give me this painting?” The artist shows the king to his studio, where there are stacks of thousands of rooster paintings. He tells the king, “It has taken me a year to be able to paint a perfect rooster in five minutes.”

rooster2

When we get hung up on perfectionism over just showing up and practicing consistently, we can miss the big picture. We get better by doing. Rarely will our work be up to our own standards, but we can only hope to excel by doing it thousands of times. Ira Glass states it nicely:

Nobody tells this to people who are beginners, I wish someone told me. All of us who do creative work, we get into it because we have good taste. But there is this gap. For the first couple years you make stuff, it’s just not that good. It’s trying to be good, it has potential, but it’s not. But your taste, the thing that got you into the game, is still killer. And your taste is why your work disappoints you. A lot of people never get past this phase, they quit. Most people I know who do interesting, creative work went through years of this. We know our work doesn’t have this special thing that we want it to have. We all go through this. And if you are just starting out or you are still in this phase, you gotta know its normal and the most important thing you can do is do a lot of work. Put yourself on a deadline so that every week you will finish one story. It is only by going through a volume of work that you will close that gap, and your work will be as good as your ambitions. And I took longer to figure out how to do this than anyone I’ve ever met. It’s gonna take awhile. It’s normal to take awhile. You’ve just gotta fight your way through.

It’s not a matter of choosing either quality or quantity. Quantity begets quality. Don’t let perfectionism keep you from producing work that may not meet your standards. Don’t make perfectionism your goal; you can only hope to get any closer to it by producing lots and lots of (probably bad) work. Every work you treat as practice is another step further in your growth as a creative.

Consistency Defines You

Here’s a related thought from an earlier post about permission :

Consistency is what gives you permission to call yourself something. You can call yourself whatever you want; it’s what you actually do that people will notice and identify you by. Who you are isn’t defined by whether or not you’re getting attention, or if somebody picked you out of a lineup of other people vying for attention, or somebody telling you that you’re good enough. You are what you consistently do…when you show up every day, you are showing up to the same world as everyone else, but you are showing up with your story.

What you do on a consistent basis is what identifies you to others. The work that you do the most is what sets you apart.

perfectionism, part one: paralysis

If not knowing what you want to do with the rest of your life paralyzes you so much that you don’t create at all, that’s not only settling for mediocrity but it’s also a complete waste of your uniqueness. You say no to joy any time you expect something to define your life path.

I’ve lately begun to confront a glaring truth in my life: as long as there’s a substantial obstacle or thing to be done, I can ignore everything else until that thing is taken care of. I can tell myself that I don’t need to deal with X until after Y, where X can represent anything vying for my attention, and Y can represent any of the “shoulds” in my life such as painting, finishing a book I started, vending at a craft fair, taking a class, or even writing a blog post. The biggest Y for me currently is figuring out what specific skills I should hone down in order to freelance. I keep the fact that I don’t know what to niche down and focus on like a dangling carrot perpetually in front of me, because as long as I don’t know what exactly I should be doing, I don’t have a responsibility to work specifically toward that goal. It’s a perennial excuse. As long as there’s one thing hanging over my head, I can ignore other problems in my life. It’s so silly.

The plank in my eye that prevents me from pursuing my life calling—or career, passion, or whatever you want to call it—is my indecision. The absence of a clear, unmistakable sign from the universe telling me what one thing I should be doing with my life is the excuse I keep in my pocket that allows me to wash my hands of the responsibility to show up every day and work hard at something specific outside of my day job. Being wishy-washy allows me to continue being wishy-washy. If I half-heartedly pursue several of my interests, I can just coast on a cushion of hobbies for the rest of my life. I can enjoy all of them and not feel pressured to excel at any of them, all the while feeling a pang of guilt that can never be truly ignored.

All of this is procrastination on a larger scale, which stems from perfectionism, which itself is likely an offshoot of a fear of being wrong. Many of us don’t start something because we have this perfect idea of the outcome that we’re afraid we won’t attain. We’re uncertain that we’ll be able to live up to our own standards or that we’re taking the right path.

We are so afraid of going the wrong direction that we go nowhere.

The resulting guilt from knowing in your heart that inactivity is even worse than making a mistake perpetuates the cycle of paralysis. Instead of moving forward through the mistakes that will make us better and take us in a more positive direction, we wallow in guilt and fear of failure. It’s a vicious cycle that can be broken by repeated failure, otherwise known as practice.

There will always be a voice telling you to pick something, to do better, to find purpose; and that same voice will tell you there is no purpose, that your work doesn’t matter, that you’ve chosen the wrong path, that nobody cares. You’ll be stuck in an infinite loop of self-sabotage until you learn to ignore the voice of Resistance. You quiet that negativity and doubt by showing up, even if you don’t know yet what exactly you’re showing up to do. Preparation and willingness to create invites the muse to come in and play and banish that voice that ridicules your desire to be something.

[Guilt and fear] is a vicious cycle that can be broken by repeated failure, otherwise known as practice.

It’s amazing how often we creative folk need to be reminded to just create every day. Just do something every day that you enjoy doing. That doesn’t have to define your life and you don’t have to figure out how to make that thing you enjoy into a career. In due time that may reveal itself, but in the meantime just show up and do what makes you happy.

Don’t settle for mediocrity. Being daunted by the fact that you haven’t found a box to put yourself in seems utterly ridiculous if you really think about it. If not knowing what you want to do with the rest of your life paralyzes you so much that you don’t create at all, that’s not only settling for mediocrity but it’s also a complete waste of your uniqueness.

You say no to joy anytime you expect something to define your life path. Can’t you just write because you like to write? Paint because you like to paint? Just play with some medium because you find it fun? If you want to make a thing, for heaven’s sake make that thing because it brings you joy.

Don’t try to figure out how you’re going to sell that thing or worry if people will understand that thing or if there’s a career path for making that thing. Just make the damn thing and call it good because that was where the muse called and you answered. You showed up. You showed up and made a thing and it was fun. Do it again tomorrow. Do it again for the next 363 days after that and see if you’re still holding that stick with a carrot in front of yourself.

complacency vs. apathy

The other night I had a dream in which I was in a ladies room somewhere when an acquaintance walked in and asked if session started at nine or nine-thirty, and it was a few minutes to nine already. I was suddenly reminded that I was supposed to go to my college class but didn’t know where I was supposed to go. I started digging through my bag for my schedule. Not only did I not have a binder or schedule of any kind, but my bag was ripped and everything was falling out. I tried to put all of the smaller items into side pockets of the bag, then frantically went on my phone to see if I could go online to find info about where my class was. That’s when I woke up.

I’ve often had dreams in which I’m back in school and I don’t know where I’m supposed to go. I think this is a different form of stress dream than the ones in which I’m driving and suddenly am in complete darkness. In the latter, I am completely out of control and just have to take it on faith and intuition that I won’t crash and die, even though that seems inevitable and I always wake up just before that happens. The school dreams, I think, reveal a theme of not being prepared.

Last week I forgot to write a blog post. It’s not that I didn’t feel like it or that I was too busy. I just completely forgot. I’ve lately been taking it kind of easy as far as not making myself feel guilty for not writing or drawing or painting as much as I “should.” I say “should” because I really do feel the need to hone a skill and uncover what type of thing I’d like to be doing on the side. I don’t want to work my day job forever, and it’s time I started overlapping into something. I’ve been saying this for too long, and that’s where the guilt over not producing my own work comes in.

But I gave myself the excuse that it’s December and there’s a lot of holiday business to be done, as well as simply relaxing and enjoying the season. I took up a crochet project, which I worked on while watching Christmas movies on my day off. I didn’t let myself feel guilty about this.

However, I fear that I’ve settled into complacency. I gave myself a little too much permission to slack off. It’s not that I don’t care; the symptom isn’t apathy. It’s that I’ve let myself get comfortable with less. Complacency is a silent symptom that creeps in when things are good. You’re happy and comfortable. A little discomfort is sometimes needed to keep you driven.

I think the difference between apathy and complacency is this: apathy is not caring whether the sun is rising or setting because a general malaise of dissatisfaction has made you give up on being driven. Complacency is being equally delighted with the sunrise and sunset to the point that you’re just floating through a sea of “isn’t that nice?” and forgetting that you have an itch to scratch. You’re too busy smelling the flowers to remember that there are things you ought to do to keep you moving forward.

“When it is rose leaves all the way, we soon become drowsy; thorns are necessary to wake us.” John A. Shedd

I’m grateful to be in a place in my life in which I’m content. I’m very blessed, and I think this is a fine place for anyone to be in life if they are so fortunate—especially if it is with an attitude of gratefulness. However, it can be tempting to be content with mediocrity. I was brought up believing that it is a virtue to strive for excellence. While worry and guilt are poor motivators, you are responsible for your own success. Don’t expect success if you don’t prepare for it.

A little while back I got a fortune cookie with what I believe is a quote from John Shedd: “A ship in harbor is safe, but that’s not why ships are built.” I want another thing he said to be true of me: “Fate whispers to the warrior ‘You cannot withstand the storm,’ and the warrior whispers back, ‘I am the storm.’”

I don’t want to be content to be a ship in port. I want to be the freaking storm.

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