Category: writing (page 2 of 3)

showing up when you’re sick

When something bad happens, you have three choices. You can either let it define you, let it destroy you, or you can let it strengthen you. –Unknown

We all experience the occasional betrayal by our immune system. It’s yet another form of Resistance rearing its ugly head, trying to keep us from our important work. It’s very tempting to let this be an excuse to let ourselves off the hook. A missed day or two in favor of healing is not the end of the world, so long as it doesn’t cause you to fall irreparably behind. The important work is what we do when we really don’t feel like it. Encouragement, friends, for not letting illness derail you.

Resistance makes you stronger. Writing when you don’t feel like it is the best way to improve your writing habit. Showing up only when it’s easy doesn’t make you stronger. There will always be obstacles. Overcoming them is what makes you better at what you do.

Ride the high. Be inspired by your illness-induced stupor. Take advantage of the fact that your inner editor is too tired to give a crap and go wild. Write something you wouldn’t normally write, like maybe trying your hand at poetry. Or work your symptoms into a scene. Can you learn something about your character through how you currently feel?

Give yourself permission to suck. It’s always good to get the crap out to make way for better work. If you often feel like the words on the page are somehow too precious to throw out, this may be a good exercise in writing something that is meant to be scrapped. It’s cathartic to shred work sometimes. It takes the pressure off. Be happy to have work you don’t feel bad about shredding. Some days you just have to half-ass it. It’s still better than not showing up at all.

Plan ahead. When you’re well, try to stay ahead by keeping a schedule and writing more than your daily quota. This will give you some wiggle room when unexpected things arise, like illness or an emergency. If you have deadlines, make sure you have content well ahead of time. Anticipate that things will crop up and don’t wait until the last minute. If you stay ahead, there will be margin for you to have a day or two of down time without having to do too much catching up later.

Let go of the little things. Eliminate any unnecessary activities. Most things can be postponed for a couple of days. Avoid cleaning, cooking, gardening, or anything else you might be tempted to do. The world won’t crumble if you don’t do everything you’d normally do when you’re well. Call in reinforcements if you need to. If someone can help with a meal or kids, that will give you the time you need to rest and knock out a few words–even if it’s nothing more than a haiku about how messy your house is.

Don’t give up! Even if you feel like you want to die, or just sleep all day, don’t give yourself permission to break the chain of showing up every day. You’re allowed to write garbage. Just show up a little bit. It’s okay; we’re all human. But even if you show up and just do the bare minimum that ends up being thrown away, it will make you feel better about yourself that you’ve accomplished what you promised yourself you would do. If writing has become as much of a habit as breathing, it will make you feel worse if you don’t do it. Keeping the chain going will lift your spirits because you didn’t give up. You may even find that just jotting down a few words–even if they don’t make a lot of sense–may put you into a state of flow that takes your mind off of how awful you feel.

Take care of yourself. Don’t prolong your illness by not resting or listening to your body. Do what you can, but don’t create more stress by expecting to knock it out of the park. You can only come back swinging if you let yourself get 100% better. You won’t do yourself or anyone else any favors by pretending you’re not sick. The sooner you rest, the sooner you’ll get better.

Happy writing, and feel better, champ!

fear of futility

Do you ever get tired of feeling guilty for not producing enough? For me, in the middle of National Novel Writing Month, this novel writing business is proving to be something hanging over my head rather than an enjoyable activity; I feel like I’m letting it defeat me.

Life is too short to not do something meaningful, but it will feel a lot longer than you’d like if you continually beat yourself up for not being perfect. It’s a catch-22. You will never meet your own standards, and that subconscious idea that perfection is the goal is completely paralyzing. Isn’t it better to just get something done rather than beat yourself up over something that you barely even started?

I know I have these unspoken, arbitrary, lofty standards. But what’s the point of such high standards if I’m incapable of meeting them? If I’m so afraid of failure that I never accomplish anything? If I have nothing to show for all my showing up, then I have failed. If I just do it I have succeeded. Isn’t the latter easier? What is keeping me from just doing the work to even 75% of my standards? There’s time for revision later. Why can’t I just do it? What am I so afraid of? Why do I feel like I’m not even capable? There are millions of people in the world doing what I’m doing. I know I can do it just as well or better than most of them, but not all of them. Being the best isn’t even the point. So what is it that causes me so much anxiety and paralysis?

It’s Resistance with a capital R. I’ve been showing up every day and trying to get out of my own way so the muse can show up. Shouldn’t that be enough to banish Resistance? Why is it still rearing its ugly head? What psychological roadblocks am I not seeing? It’s not fear of success, because finishing the first draft of a novel doesn’t really require anything of me after it’s done. I can roll with it or not. It can’t be the fear of failure because the only way to fail at writing is to not write. A draft is malleable. I can always fix what isn’t perfect. There are only words, and my only failure is not putting them on the page. I’m sure part if it is that little nagging dark force telling me that this isn’t what I should be doing. I should give up. I’m not a writer. I should either move on to some other creative pursuit (which I also won’t be good at) or just give up. Resistance is manifesting itself as both inadequacy and futility. What’s the point of all of this? My work doesn’t matter. My work won’t matter. So what’s the point of doing it? Why show up every day and pour my heart out? What are my blood, sweat, and tears going to accomplish in the end? I struggle to find the meaning and purpose in any of it. Who am I helping by showing up to write every day?

Somewhat ironically, the novel I’m struggling to write deals with immortality and youth. I ask myself why a character would want to live much longer, even with the benefits of youth. My thought was that many people wouldn’t know how to handle living more than a hundred years, that only those with an exceptional sense of purpose and joy would want to go on living. If you outlived all of your loved ones, what would keep you going? Albert Camus said that it takes more courage to live than to commit suicide, and that happiness (even for Sisyphus) is to enjoy your work in spite of the apparent futility of existence. I think the drive to create is stronger than the desire for immortality. Creativity, in one form or another, is where souls find their purpose. It’s how we make sense out of the lives we are living, and helps us and others enjoy that life. It brings context and clarifies meaning for us as we try to imagine what forever might be like. The need to create is a very strong human calling, and when I feel creatively blocked, I start to lose my sense of purpose, direction, joy, and meaning. Guilt creeps in.

Piled on top of personal guilt is the public shame of not having a word count on the NaNoWriMo site for my novel. This feels like a huge failure. Maybe it is a failure at the moment, but the entire project hasn’t failed. I am not a failure. I am a person who matters, who loves to write, and will write my heart out. Even if it feels like it doesn’t matter. Defeat is a mindset. The only thing causing me to fail is the idea that I’m not good enough. If I show up and write in spite of that voice in my head, I’ve won.

It’s frustrating to say that the cure for creative block is to just create, but time and again that’s the answer that reveals itself. Feel like you can’t do it? Just show up and do it. Simply doing anything creative usually helps to make the guilt of creative block go away, even if it’s not related to what you want to accomplish. If you’ve been staring at a blank page for a while, get up and go outside with your sketch book or make some bread. Every act of making something helps to bring you back to your center and remind you of the joy of creating without the pressure of meaning or perfection. It’s in your DNA to create, so find something–however small and seemingly insignificant–to make that makes you happy and don’t feel guilty about counting that as a success. It’s part of showing up to your work. If you showed up, you’ve won.

saying yes to writing

Do you prepare the pants off of something and then freeze when the day arrives to actually do the work? That’s me. I’ll research something into the ground in order to feel like I’m making progress on something, which I think is a subconscious means of keeping me from the real task at hand. It’s day four of NaNoWriMo, and although I have character outlines and a solid idea of what direction I want to go with my novel, so far my actual word count is pretty measly.

I said no to a lot of things in order to participate in NaNo this year, so I feel like there’s a lot at stake for me to have something to show for it. The beauty of this challenge is that it’s meant to be fun, and there’s a built-in community of participants to hold you accountable, to meet with and share your story, or to work on your story with fellow participants right there beside you. Besides just getting my butt in the chair and writing, I think an in-person meetup is the magic ingredient I’ve been missing. Community and accountability are huge, but it can be easy to let online interactions be a substitute for being around real people in the flesh. So many of us are introverts, which can make it a challenge to step out and meet new people and share something so personal as a work in progress. But everyone is in the same boat. The mixture of commonality and diversity in a group setting is what is going to stretch you to see your own story beyond your limited point of view.

Even if all of you have your nose in a notebook or laptop, the mere fact of being in community is going to push you to accomplish your goals. Getting away from the distractions of home certainly helps, too. Do you feel inspired by the smell of books or coffee or fresh grass? Go write in a library, coffee shop, or park. Fresh surroundings can give you a fresh perspective on your work. Stuck on character development? Go people-watching. Or go for a walk to get the blood flowing and to get out of your own head for an hour. Stretching your comfort zone will make you a better writer by expanding your world.

I invite you to write with me. The community of writers is what makes NaNoWriMo something to look forward to every year. Here is a NaNoWriMo word count calendar to help you stay on track with your daily writing. Their website is also a terrific resource for your novel, whether you’re seasoned or have never written before. If you sign up, I’m trueimage83 if you’d like a writing buddy. I’d also love to see you join the conversation here in the comments. What are you struggling with right now with your writing? What tools make the process easier for you? I’d love to hear from you. Happy noveling!

invite the muse to play

Good things don’t necessarily always start with a good idea. They come when you show up and start working. You invite the good ideas by doing the work that proves you’re ready for the ideas to make themselves known to you. When you prepare, the Muse arrives.

I’ve written every morning for more than sixty-six days now. That’s how long it takes to form a habit. I don’t feel like anything has really come of it yet, other than making it easier to show up every day and writing a blog post on a regular schedule. I guess that’s something. One step at a time. Hopefully ideas will come and I’ll get in the flow of writing creatively.

I had fun doing the writing exercise from my Writing Challenge app one morning. The writing is kind of disjointed when you get a new prompt every couple of minutes, but it’s a fun challenge to get the juices flowing. It feels good just to type, sometimes. I enjoy the physical act of pressing the keys just as quickly as the words come into my brain. Never mind if it makes any sense or is any good. That flow is what eventually gets me to writing something worthwhile most of the time. It primes the pump. It gets me into the rhythm of writing.

For me, writing has just as much to do with the rhythm of the words strung together and the flow of it coming out of my brain and out of my fingers as it has to do with the thoughts themselves. Good things don’t necessarily always start with a good idea. They come when you show up and start working. You invite the good ideas by doing the work that proves you’re ready for the ideas to make themselves known to you. When you prepare, the Muse arrives.

Yesterday I felt I should be drawing or practicing lettering, but sometimes the formality of it can be daunting. So I took the plastic wrap off of a cheap 2016 calendar I had bought for work and started doodling on the cardboard. Drawing on trash is freeing because it was going to be thrown away anyway. There’s no harm, no foul. And there’s absolutely no pressure to make anything good. I did some jaunty, silly doodle/lettering of my dog. I posted it on Instagram; not because I thought it was any good, but because I felt like sharing that it’s freeing to doodle on garbage. I certainly wasn’t looking for recognition. I was just having fun.

And that’s the kind of feeling I’m after every day. I just want to do something fun, even if meaningless, if it gets me into the mindset of creating. It takes the pressure off. Shouldn’t it be fun all the time? It doesn’t have to be useful or meaningful. It’s important to show up and practice. Just like it’s important for me to show up every day and not break the streak of writing. If you just do it all the time, it keeps fear and resistance at bay. There’s so much more room for better things to happen if you can get into enough of a groove that fear never has a chance to sneak in.

So go doodle on some garbage or write some gibberish. Have fun! And share it here, if you like. I look forward to seeing the results of your play time. 🙂

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